15 Minutes of Fame Re-Post

This is what happens when your blog gets picked up by Yahoo :) Since I have since learned how to make the poultry pelvic exam process go much smoother, I thought I'd repost this since we'll be back in the midwest all week ... and it's a tryptopan kind of day for lazy blogging too :)

Monday, November 05, 2007

Thankful for Thanksgiving ... I Think there are not words to describe what i just endured. i was making a "practice" turkey today ... sort of a test drive run since i've never made one before. that way thanksgiving day won't be ... well ... disappointing for all in an overcooked kind of way :) anyway, i have never dealt with a raw turkey before. i did not know that they are like a little pandora's box of treasures inside. i just figured it was a raw bird that you pop in a pan and roast. voila. oh no. there's preparation. MAJOR preparation. amy, you would outright barf. i had to pray through this little culinary exercise in domesticity just to not up-chuck while doing it. you see, there is a neck that must be fetched. step one: untangle the legs from the plastic scrunchie thingie. step two: go on a neck hunt. WHAT? the neck is the most disgusting thing i have ever seen in my life. this particular neck was still partially frozen, so i pulled out what can only be described as a stiff fleshy crowbar dripping with innerds juice. i wanted to die.

then, more steps!!! retrieve the bag of parts. gizzards, hearts, and all those other squeamishly raw "delicacies". i searched and searched and searched for this said bag. no where to be found. is it possible that the packaging people forgot to endow this bird with a bag of parts? oh, wouldn't that be wonderful! i continued searching to no avail. I even began to poke through the fat and meat on the bird to see if perhaps it was embedded under it's skin. that's when i discovered the second hole.

with the accuracy of an ob delivering a placenta, i stuck my hand up and out comes an ... EW. i'm not even going to describe it for you. then, my hands are dripping wet and trying to hold these turkey remains while attempting to get the cupboard open to put them in the trash and not drip turkey guts anywhere. finally, i called for elaina, who was delighted to be able to open a cupboard for me that she is not normally allowed anywhere near. Now, isn't this just foul? errrr .... fowl?

8 clorox wipes and half a bottle of antibacterial soap later, i had the turkey situation under control. until i realized that i overestimated the size of my pan. let's just say the turkey has some love handles that float over the edges of the pan. i hope this doesn't pose a problem (fire) while cooking. i also don't recall what the packaging said to do about the little plastic scruncie doo-dads, so i hope that those don't melt while cooking. i was too revolted by the whole experience to even bother stuffing it. and i'm looking into seeing if Boston Market delivers this far west on Thanksgiving because I just can't put myself through this again. To all those Thanksgiving survivors, heroes have endured this trauma year after year just to give us some white meat worth eating, THANK YOU. better check on those love handles now ...

5:23 PM - 95 views - 130 eprops - 70 comments - email it Thursday, November 15, 2007 Lessons in Domestic Bliss and other Family Fun I've been sort of scared to blog again. The whole turkey blog thing was kind of overwhelming. Over 5000 readings and 70-some comments later, I'm now realizing what a tender (pardon the pun) issue turkey can be to people! In short answer to the comments as I don't have time to address each one: 1- there will be no turkey sequel. sorry. no books either. yes, i know how to capitalize. 2- no, it didn't turn out. 3. no, i don't want to visit the netherlands. 4- yes, i realize that there is more to thanksgiving than turkey. it's about shopping too. KIDDING! 5- i'm sorry someone somewhere killed that turkey. i assure you it doesn't have a soul though. 6- guess what! I miraculously escaped having to cook another beastly bird ... our friends in Eugene are including us in their family celebration. 7- thanks for all the "bag of parts recipes". you should know that parasites are very real things. A Little 2009 Thanksgiving Update - or Tutorial Tuesday if you will :) I caught this idea on a morewaystowastetime blog, and thought that some selective roasting, with the use of tin foil placed in strategic places, might make for a juicy little holiday turkey :) No SPF necessary.